< Accessorize >

There are thousands of girls my age who are in my situation. So why do I feel like I�m the only one? I�m talking about the fact that I crave the attention of the opposite sex. I want a boyfriend. It�s sad that I should stoop as low as to think that I need a man to make me happier. It would certainly be the best distraction ever, seeing as how I hate my life as of now. I�m trying very hard to be grateful that I don�t live in Iraq and crap like that but than my uncle walks through the door and I find myself wishing a bomb would come through the ceiling and land on his big fat head. Normal people do not have these kinds of thoughts. So why do I? Is it wrong to want a relationship like fictional characters on TV shows? Is it wrong that I think no guy would ever want me because I don�t look like JLo? I want what Max and Liz had, I want that so bad I can taste it, and it taste like strawberries. Pardon the pun, I couldn�t help myself.

One thing before I continue, I am SO pissed that my coding will not work! My entry pictures are freaking blending and I don�t want them to! I�ve tried everything I can think of with no luck and if I see my old layout when I look at an old entry ONE more time�

So like I was saying before my little rant, I�m feeling low. Mind you I always feel low but this time it�s because I�m lonely. It�s completely possible to have a healthy happy life without a male to get in the way. But obviously, for me? That�s not an option. Even though I can�t stand the males that are in my life as of now (IE: my grandpa, my cousin, my brother, my uncle�) I still crave the companionship of a boyfriend. All the things that having a boyfriend has to offer. I miss it. I wonder, what�s wrong with me? Is it something I�m doing? Than I proceed to get pissed off at myself for feeling this way. Also, I�m picky and snobby when it comes to guys. But in reality I�m not anymore, I�m afraid I�ve become desperate. And when I say desperate I mean I don�t mind if the guy isn�t up to my normal standards but he still MUST have a job, car and some kind of idea what he plans to do with his life. Picky? Who? Me? Nah.

And as if I weren�t pathetic enough as it is, all the girls in my class seem to have a boyfriend or husband. And keep in mind these girls are in their early twenties. Yea. Oh and sense we started our new unit on Gender issues? I�ve come to the conclusion that I am the ONLY virgin in that class. Why do I think this? Because all the girls in class have serious boyfriends. Most have husbands and kids (that�s a dead giveaway) and there are only 4 guys in class. One of them has a baby, one has a live-in girlfriend and the other two are bachelors. So yeah, me? Virgin. Might as well tattoo that on my forehead for future reference. I�m not joking.

My weight is starting to bring me down again too, I�ve lost ten pounds but lately I think I�m starting to gain it back. I can just FEEL it. Even though people have been commenting, �Have you been losing weight?� It makes me irritated when they say that because I don�t FEEL like I have. So how the hell do they know? Also I need to find some sort of style. I have no style. I�m a t-shirt and jeans girl but I don�t WANT to be a plain jane. I want some sort of style, I�ve tried the retro-rocker thing but I end up looking like a bum. I am not a bum. reference. I�m not joking.

But I guess Carrie said it best� Maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been given and accessorize what we've got. � Carrie Bradshaw reference. I�m not joking.

�elena






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