< I'm Not A Bitch >

So yea, I�ve been going TCG crazy! I want to join like three new ones but I don�t want to kill my server so I�m waiting� I think I�ll just delete Addiction and maybe Musicality and Stripped. In addiction to that, I am going loco about last nights One Tree Hill episode!!! Brooke and Felix?! NOOOOOO!!! I want Brooke/Lucas! But okay, yeah. Lucas deserves a little heartbreak after what he did to Brooke and all but damn. I knew he was going to walk in to confess his love right when Brooke and Felix finally decided to be a couple. Gah! I hate Felix, almost as much as I hate his dyke sister Ana. You can totally tell she like girls because she�s so phobic about it. Gah!

Anyways, I�m leaving a few minutes to the Spaghetti Factory for our clerical luncheon. I should be working on the essay that was due yesterday that I still didn�t do but I don�t want to. I�m about two seconds from quitting that whole thing but I won�t because it�s wrong and I have to keep on trucking. Really. I do. Damn but this essay is a hard one. Plus I�m behind and I haven�t been to the last two classes. I�m so bad! She�ll kick my ass out for sure! Oh shit I�m doomed. But my life has been too hectic to handle and if she gives me grief I just may pull out the water works, and they�ll be real ones too.

My mom is pushing me to go visit B again. He�s home now, and the day before he was home I had a dream I was riving him home. How weird is that? WHY am I dreaming about him?! WHY???? It�s so weird I�m freaking out because we have no cosmic connection so why is this happening to me? I keep wondering if god is trying to tell me something, but I don�t know. Weird. I wonder if he is having any kind of reaction to this dreamscape thing I�m going through.

I�m not a bitch. I�m not a bitch. I�m not a bitch� Maybe if I say that enough times it�ll come true.

This chicken head student assistant that works a couple cubes down from me is on her way to a smack down if she doesn�t quit giving me her looks. I hate being a female sometimes because we just can�t get a long. One wrong look and we�re pulling hair out. I don�t know why I�m this way but I hate when chicks look at me like they think their better than me, or if they�re just plain sizing me up. The next time she does that I�m gonna size my foot up her ass.

Well, on to other news. I have none so maybe I should make some up. Well, it seems the party scheduled for this weekend just may be put on halt. Why? Because the hostess is missing. She hasn�t been seen or heard from in two days. Supposedly people are worried. Doesn�t that suck? Is it actually the fact that she�s missing that sucks or the fact that a place to get drunk at and party may no longer be available? See what I mean when I hum my mantra of I�m not a bitch�? Now you know. Or maybe you don�t but you think you do and I just keep rambling on and on about god knows what because I sure as hell don�t.

There comes a time when you just pop. I�m almost there. Physically and mentally. Physically I�m back to my thicky-thick body that I can�t stand to se in the mirror, and mentally I�m going insane. My family is so fucking abnormal. They talk shit, they�re hypocrites and I hate most of them. Okay, I don�t hate them, I dislike them. You can�t hate family. Except for the drug addict ones. I only agreed to go to the damn Family Christmas Dinner because I don�t want to just leave Nina to the wolves. It would be just wrong to do something as tragic as that. Her birthday is tomorrow by the way. Happy early birthday fat head. You�ll be 19 and I�ll be 21 in a few more months. Good lord I�m getting older than life.

My computer is being so effing slow right now I�m about to throw my shoe at it. Can you tell I�m not in the happiest of moods today? Sorry about that but there is nothing I can do about it. So get over it. Someday I�ll be a bright and shiny person who makes people laugh and smile. But today? I just don�t know.

�elena






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